A Lady Do What a Lady Do, MIZCAROL


“Miz Carol, you aint know what the young people does wid theyselves thesedays.  The lil’ gals they wearin’ coloredbracelets to say what kinda sex they do. They calls it the Hookup and they thinks they aint gittin’ hurt. Theyall ho’s suckin’ ‘em off on the bus and all,” said Miz Flora Belle, AuntieCarol’s maid.


“Flora Belle, no lady would ever do that, Flora Belle.  I feel faint. Hand me my smelling salts!”

“A lady, do what a lady do, Miz Carol,” retorted the maid offhandedly.

“But what about chivalry and..and female pride?”

“Down the toilet, Miz Carol.  Igots to feed my kids, Bye Miz Carol.”


Auntie Carol, a paunchy, middle aged dowager, thought a about THE WAY ITSHOULD BE.

In her fevered little, 50’s etiquette brain she came up with a CodeSupremo.

1)     Girls, never part your legs unlessyou see a wedding ring dangling from his hand.

2)     A girl only needs face powder,lipstick, smelling salts & her keys in her purse.

3)     A boy must ring the doorbell &tell your dad his intentions B4 a date.

4)     Never accept Zircon for an engagementring.  Diamonds or else!

5)     The line is under the breasts and nofurther.  Not on first date.

6)     Boys WANT to respect U.  They’re hoping you’ll say “NO”.

7)     If you “neck” keep quiet.  Your reputation is at stake.

8)     Don’t ask your mom for birth controlpills.  Don’t have sex.

9)     Tell your husband no to oral sex:you’re not a whore.

10)   Turn out the light when U havesex: you’re not a whore.

“These simple rules will save Western Civilization.  PFFT,” said Auntie Carol who rocked herselfto sleep with a Winnie the Pooh book & a cup of warm milk.  Flannel is the New Sexy.


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About Carol Bond

I, auntiecarol69, am a poetry and prose writer. My comic Novella, CATFISH JOE is on Barnes & Noble.com, Amazon.com & iUniverse.com. I have two other unpublished properties, a book of Noir Poems of Tainted Love, a full length novel (LA GITANA) that is about a Machiavellian 17th century gypsy who becomes courtezan to Louis XIV, the Sun King. I got my degree in English & anthropology. It has been as useful as a bullet to the head. I write The Black Orchid, Wanda Lust a & Auntie Carol. Lynda or Lady Lynda creates the Lady Lynda & Seymour Toze part of the BLOG. A brilliant person and my co-writer, Lynda got her degree in art history. We both try not to get historical (hysterical).
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