Lady Lynda and the hypnotist.
Lady Lynda began to think of how she was becoming the one thing she dreaded. A non dutiful wife thinking only of her needs. A good wife should think only of her husband’s crude desires. She needed discipline. She should grit her teeth and bear it” I certainly hope the hypnotist can cure me of my improper lewd thoughts. It is in a neighborhood I don’t come by that often. It won’t be easy going there by myself but go there I must.
The male hypnotist entered from the rear to the dimly lit rustic stage. The brick building was in the part of town Lady Lynda seldom traveled to. It appears to be the type of neighborhood the girls from Charm School for wayward girls and Mr Pequot’s Reform School for Dastardly Bastards. Adolescents and their parent or parent who were given far from the best opportunities. Folks who were of a much darker skin and/or Spanish accents. He wore a soft woool jet black turtle neck with an ornate golden leather vest His slightly bell bottomed blue jeans give him a somewhat sixties look. He eyes the people there and quickly smiles. The young man quickly perused the crowd. “I know I look like I just graduated high school but looks can be deceiving. I’ve been around the block. I paid my dues and I understand the clues. So don’t say I didn’t warn you. You can leave any time you want but if you want to be mesmerized then stay in your seats. Whose first?”
Lady Lynda could see somehow see behind the bravado a hard working entertainer. She could see the beads of sweat on his face dripping down as the hot stage light shone on him. She couldn’t help noticing how despite his bravura how anxious he seemed. Yet she could notice his keen determination to put on a good show. He was a complete professional.
“Now ladies and gentlemen I am a trained professional hypnotist. But I am not here to lecture you on hypnotherapy. I am here to show you the ways this therapy and it is truly a therapy that can be one of fun and entertainment. Any volunteers to help me prove my point?
The man on stage saw a young woman raised her hand. He noticed her eagerness. He beckoned her to come up on stage. He smiled a friendly smile and asked if she ever saw him before. She replied she did not. He began slowly to relax, reassure her. Next he told her nobody can hypnotize anybody into doing something they would not do if not under hypnotism. Then he jokes including breaking physical law. The woman laughed to think she’d think she was a Siamese cat. She purred and haughtily peered at the audience. She eagerly meowed as the hypnotist enticed her with catnip. The crowd laughed uproariously. The participant looks confused and this makes the people think its even funnier.
Lady Lynda volunteered. The man on stage said to Lady Lynda “My you look proper with your carnation pink brocade jacket and skirt. Well I’m going to let you let your hair down. I’m gong to make you talk like “Snoop Doggie Dogg.” Oh I see by your puzzled expression you don’t know who he is. He’s a badass rap singer with his own style of talking.
Lady Lynda looked at him askance but she still figured he knew what he was doing. She didn’t hesitate. She walked briskly onto the stage. The hypnotist jauntily greeted her. Then he told her to look directly at him and at nobody else. Then he told her to say something. The woman replied in stentorian tones “Youth should respect their elders”. “Whenever someone says fizzle you’ll sound exactly like Snoop Doggie Dog. Whenever anybody said Hey she’d stop sounding like the rapper and be her old self. The hypnotist then asked her to say something in Snoopdog. Lady Lynda was confused. She never heard this young man talk. The man who ordered her told her Snoop would probably say “Youizzle shouizzle respectizzle yourizzle elderizzles.” Then he said now you say what I just said. Lady Lynda repeats in stentorian tones “Youizzle shouizzle respectizzle yourizzle elderizzles.” She has no idea how she sounded. To Lady Lynda she sounded like she normally does. “Those young people finally respects their seniors. I must be an inspiration to them.
“Thank you my dear sweet young ones. Thank you for taking me into your hearts. I feel at home here with you.” The words she said came out sounding like this. Thizzle you my dizzle swizzle onizzle Thizzle you for tizzle mizzle into your hizzle I fizzle at homizzle wizzle you. The mostly youthful people there hooted and hollered and cheered the prim and proper lady. Lady Lynda cheerfully smiled. The hypnotist snapped his fingers and she was her old self. She thanked him and then after the show went on her way home.
On her way home she encountered she heard a young mother say how she was so disappointed her babysitter fizzled out on her. Lady Lynda turned to her and said in patrician tones. “I feel sorry for you.” It came out sounding like this. Izzle feelizzle sorrizzle forizzle youizzle. The young woman gasped. It seemed so weird to her to see this conservatively dressed woman talk like Snoopdog. She thought especially since there was absolutely no reason for the woman to sound like him.
“Why you talkin like SnoopDog. “You be thinkin’ its cool to talk like that rapper.”
Lady Lynda was truly confused. For in her mind she talked like she always did.
“My dear woman what are you saying. I speak proper grammar. Something my dear young woman you don’t seem to know the meaning of. I am a professional etiquette coach and I am national lecturer on the same. Lastly my lady friend Auntie Carol and I expounded the importance of good manners in our “Charm School for Wayward Girls and Mr Pequot’s Reform School for Dastardly Bastards.”
Instead it sounded like “Izzle speakizzle properizzle grammarizzle. Somethingizzle myizzle dearizzle youngizzle womanizzle youizzle don’tizzle knowizzle the meanizzle ofizzle. Plus the rest of sounded as if Snoop said it.
Just then a crowd of the neighborhood teens started gathering toward the primly dressed woman and the sharply contrasting scantily clad young mother. They began to watch and listen intensely to every word of the much older woman. Lady Lynda saw how they looked to be quite interested in her every word. It was as if they never encountered such a woman of such fine etiquette and grammar in their lives. Seymour Toze’s wife was well pleased. She beamed with pride as she spoke her words of wisdom. Completely unknown to her she sounded like a middle aged suburban woman sounding like a certain rapper. The woman eagerly told the youth of the importance of good manners, respecting their elders and getting a good education. The woman was so proud of herself the scalywags eagerly hung onto every word she said.
Just then a young man yelled “Hey whats going on here with this crazy white woman?” Suddenly Lady Lynda heard in her mind exactly as she talked. No more did she sound like Snoopdog but her old self. The crowd wondered what was going on? So did Lady Lynda. Then she remembered the hypnotist. “Oh my my dear now I know you’re staring at me. I was hypnotized. I never heard of this Snoopdogstyle or whatever his name is. How did I sound?”
A young woman replied you sounded cool but I think its best to sound like yourself. That talk is fine for Snoop but you’re you and you should be you.”
“I certainly agree” replied Lady Lynda. The people gathered around her clapped and cheered. The woman happily smiled and thought to herself. The best way to be is to be true to herself. She wouldn’t worry about pleasing herself instead of Seymour. Her relationship with her spouse would be based on being true to herself.