Dan D. Walker encounters the Local Curmudgeon

Erasmas Nutley, looking like a cratchety Ichobod Crane, hurried with bated breath down the airport runway.
As he scooted past the road toward his flight he spied three teenaged gals. They looked like they came from some kind of wild party. Erasmus sneered as he passed by them” “Dawgone it. “Young women should be dignified. Damn!!! Not horsing’ around like damn fools Imagine that!!! Those sluts are making fools of themselves.” Wanting to goad them into decorum, he waved his arm like he was holding a good sized gnarled wooden stick. “Shut my mouth! The teenaged girls completely ignored the curmudgeon and continued on their merry way.
One of the women feeling sorry for the geezer questioned why he was so miserable. He snapped at her and told her. “Seeing cheap sluts like you’. In my day young women were dignified. They knew their place.”
“When was your day? In the buggy days” The three of them guffawed. What was their place. In the kitchen? Barefoot an’ preggers? Erasmus Nutley sneered. “I knew you cheap harlots wouldn’t understand. In my days young ladies knew their manners.and their place. Where does your parents learn parenting’. Fortune cookies? From comic books. Seems like your mother and father’s intellect.” For’ some reason, somehow I expected better. Thanks for making’ me realize how fruitless that was. Yessir this world is going to hell in a hand basket. Stop cavorting’ like darn fools” were the last words he yelled as the teens walked on

Dan.D. Walker, customer service representative wondered why the grump didn’t ask about his flight. It was as if the surly curmudgeon didn’t want to burden himself with anything except his constant harangue of the hapless service rep. His scowl was menacing D. Walker thought most anyone would be miserable with this hyar curmudgeon, as any fool kin plainly see.”

“Ah knows someone who kin help yo’ much better than me,” Walker said, cuss it all to tarnation The curmudgeon sneered and replied “Of course you do. Just about anyone. But ah only be botherin’ you. I can tell from yer accent your Texan. An’ thats where I’m heading’. Plano Texas to be exact. Home of the cockroach Hall of Fame. Thet weirdo pest control expert Ichabod Bodhan thought it was so clever to name his critters names like Liberoachee, David Letterroach. I figure the pert female guide is Roachell, How typical of Texans to honor the lowly bug. Never any guarantee of fine taste deep in the heart of Texas. But the minute chance I’m wrong I want to check it out myself”
Dan D. Walker sighed under his breath. “It gives me great pleasure to know th’ exhibit closed down He wanted to tell the damn fool what he said wasn’t true. But that would be unprofessional. Dan D. Walker wanted to tell that darn numbskull to stuff it whar the sun don’t shine. Walker fondly recalled Texas official motto “Friendship”. He smiled as he remembered how blues guitarist great Stevie Ray Vaughn was from Texas an’ so were Jennifer Hudson, Beyonce, Sundance Head an’ his Paw Roy Head, Jensen Ackles from “Supernatural”. San Marcos Texas’s earliest inhabitants were Indians who lived there ten thousand years ago.”
Dan D. Walker beamed as he pictured the old fart’s flight being ready. Dan, D. Walker thought how delightful it’d be, the ornery critter crashing through a trap door. His delight soon faded when he reminded himself unfortunately there was so such contraption. It was much more likely for a hounddog to fly than to get rid of this here critter.
“He don’t stop. He’s like a human “Evah Ready” battery. Keeps gwine an’ gwine an’ gwine.”

Erasmys Nutley scowled as he kept saying Texas was nothing but a home for cockroach enthusiasts. Dan D. Walker made a mental note of how the customer was makin’ a huge generalization based on one part of one town, as anyone with a brain can see.
He was bad mouthin’ the Lone Star state on account of his thick accent he was fum thar And sho’nuff as tumbleweeds tumble the ornery critter was trying his best to goad him, dawgone it.

“If ever there was a desire to git away” man sighed
The Texan imagined pressing a button signallng him somewhere else. The customer service rep figured “Prackically ennywhar fum this hyar grump would be good enuff” . What in tarnation if the creep’s plane was late? And what if he lost his composure? He’d been there for only a week. Shut mah mouth! It was not rnough time to make ,aj presence know, let alone established, cuss it all to murgatroid.”

.Dan D. Walker was visibly uneasy. He wo’ried he’d revert back to his uninteligable accent.He wished he could show the creep in no uncertain terms that tge man was a dumb ass idiot. “Jest his luck as enny fool kin plainly see. D. Walker bemoaned the creep’s plane was late. The fact was he figured “Murphy’s Law” strikes again. The one time he wanted so much to get rid of this know it all, the man’s flight wasn’t here yet. If only thar was a way out.

Finally Erasmus finally WALKED away. Dan, as any fool kin plainly see. D. Walker swiftly concluded “That SOB was the dawgoned-est pert near irritatin’ SOB ah evah did encountered, cuss it all to tarnation and then some!!!”

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About Carol Bond

I, auntiecarol69, am a poetry and prose writer. My comic Novella, CATFISH JOE is on Barnes & Noble.com, Amazon.com & iUniverse.com. I have two other unpublished properties, a book of Noir Poems of Tainted Love, a full length novel (LA GITANA) that is about a Machiavellian 17th century gypsy who becomes courtezan to Louis XIV, the Sun King. I got my degree in English & anthropology. It has been as useful as a bullet to the head. I write The Black Orchid, Wanda Lust a & Auntie Carol. Lynda or Lady Lynda creates the Lady Lynda & Seymour Toze part of the BLOG. A brilliant person and my co-writer, Lynda got her degree in art history. We both try not to get historical (hysterical).
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