THE BLACK ORCHID PROPHESIES
I am, as you would guess, The Black Orchid, Mistress of Love Slaves, and I am hungry for life.
Being Immortal, I hunger or all the souls I have surpassed, who passed from this vale of tears. I can still feel the trace of Nefertiti’s honeyed kisses on my swollen lips as I wasted from a fever lying in the milk white arms of Lady Death, with her hand like a strangle hold on my heart. Though I cannot die I can suffer from ailments like a mortal. I felt the heavy narcotic like essence of the Lady as she tried to sever my presence from this life, her chill fingers grasping my heart. I have seen a million sunsets and shall see a million more. I shall tell you what I look like that you may picture me in your mind. I stand six feet tall , and am lithe like a runner with threaded muscles under my alabaster skin. I run ten miles every day without fail come rain or come shine. My face resembles those of Egyptian wall paintings with high cheekbones and sharp, aquiline noses. My eyes. a viridian tint, are large and too far apart and have the look of a sleepy lioness. Actually, my mother, a tribal shaman mated with a lion to conceive me. My Black hair falls below my ass, and is thick and lush, like a star pocked night, or a river of tar. The almond eyes of Lady Death are rimmed with blood, and she is as pale and blond as I am dark. Her hair is that platinum color of the rays of the changeling moon.
Enough of me. I have invited Lady Lynda and Auntie Carol for a séance, and they are very eager to contact those loved ones who have passed from their lives. We are having the séance on All Hallows Eve, a very magical night for spirits. The spirits of life and death are interwoven like cloud and sky or mist and tears.
Auntie Carol came in wearing her fresh pink pants suit, her favorite color. In fact she is so fond of pink that she decorated her whole house in varying shades of pink, It resembles a giant vagina, may I say. Lady Lynda, always a bit more daring in attire had on a leopard print sheath with her signature spiky stilettos with the toes cut out as Seymour Toze, her husband is mad for her dainty size five feet. He is a foot fetishist, and she plays along and loves to have her toes sucked and worshipped.
As for me I wore my dominatrix gear, a leather corset and black leather pants with silver strappy eight inch high pumps. And I had my long, black hair piled on top of my head like Helen of Troy. Oh, yes, I forgot to say, Auntie Carol and Lady Lynda with their pert white gloves resembled aging librarians. White gloves and fifties like attire is their signature look. I wear long chandelier ear rings and slather myself with diamonds while they wear pearls. I gave them instructions to hold hands and for no reason would they break the circle and I would act an intermediary and the spirits would speak through me. May the circle be unbroken, by and by Lord. We sat around a round linen tablecloth and burned a lot of black candles. They were the only lights in the room as spirits favor the feeling of night. I had a bluish obelisk for channeling the spirits given to me by Cleopatra, and the spirits would be entrapped inside it and I had Nefertiti’s ancient tarots card on papyrus. It was crumbling but sometimes spirits favored the tarot deck to actual conversation. We each threw back a shot of brandy to steel our nerves for what was to come. Auntie Carol took two. We would summon the powerful entity, Lady Death, to be the conduit between the world of the dead and that of the living. If the circle became broken Lady Death could harvest the souls of the living and take them from the earthly plane. We became aware of her presence as the entire room became infused with a strong lilac scent and the candles flickered though there was no breeze. She hovered above us in a kind of misty haze.
I am told my eyes rolled back in my head and, and I went into convulsions for a time before I spoke in the sprit’s voice and I clutched their hands so strongly as to make them ache. I was not conscious throughout most of the séance. Lady Lynda’s Uncle Funcle came through first. They recounted what he said. Then out of my mouth came these words.
“Lynda Mae. Well, dog my cats. Am I ever glad to see you, gal.”
“Uncle Funkle”, gasped Lynda.
‘It’s me, Baby doll. So ya went and got yerself a fella’. How are you Niece of mine?
“Happy as a barrel of monkeys or a fox in the hen house, Uncle. And you?” she asked.
“Well, can’t complain but wish the food was better. They aint got no grits, ham hocks, greens, and
cornbread. Stuff like steak au poivre and kiesch. A fella’ gets tired of that fancy schmancy drivel. Dang kitchen staff is Republicans!”
“You mean to say God let any of them in heaven,” said Lady Lynda.
“Same as on earth. They got away with it,” he said.
“But it’s heaven and you can have anything you want, Uncle Funcle!” she said.
“I know but like any other place, heaven has its glitches. Besides, I don’t want to git’ the reputation as a naysayer. Here it’s pert near like ever other place. Now, Gal, why’d ya go and git’ hitched to a foot fetishist? Why not find yourself a normal guy like a banker?”he said.
This is 2013, the least normal guys are the bankers, Uncle. Besides look at yourself. You married your Niece, Cindy Lou, and she birthed two micro-cephals. I dare you call my Seymour a sicko after what you did in your life. You were even a moonshine,.” exclaimed Lynda.”
“Sho’ they wuz pinheads but they were good boys. Got him collecting the eggs. Had to break them of the habit of cracking the eggs on each other’s heads. Spare the rod and spoil the child: I always say. I usta’ have to give you a good whuppin’ ever now and again. Your parents were a dang bunch of liberal hippies. Let the child find his own way. That was pure D crap fo’ sho’,” he said.
“Gal, our time is short. Best not speak of Moe and Lou, They wuz’ good boys in many ways and never gave me the trouble you did. Ever summer for twenty years you came back south to the farm. I tried to keep ya ‘ on the straight and narrow,” he said.
“Well, I just want you to know that my Seymour is a wonderful man and he makes me very happy and he , at least, at the very least , is not a relative of mine. He is a gentleman and a scholar.”
“Lynda, Doll Baby, too much book learhin’ can ruin a good man. Your parents wuz’ educated as hell and look how they fucked you up. Never sayin’ no to you and givin’ you ever thing you ever wanted. They wuz’ makin’ you a selfish bitch. I done corrected that sitcheation wid’ you. When you came here ya learned ‘bout life. MY time is up, doll, someone really wants to come through. I love ya’, Gal”
Lynda murmured, “I love you, Uncle Funcle.” too but not in time. Auntie Carol’s mother appeared in the orb in a Chanel suit, gloves and pearls looking for all the world, like a senior living community ad.
Lynda wiped away a tear and said, “That man taught me how to be a good Christian woman. You take it from here, Auntie Carol.”
“Mommie,” shouted Auntie Carol. Oh I have so much to tell you. I’m a married lady, and as happy as the Easter bunny or Snow White and the seven dwarves. I have a detective agency now, the Primrose Agency and like Lady Lynda, I’m a romance writer.”
“Darling, that’s all very wonderful. Tell me about your man. I have been playing Monopoly all these years, and never ever once got Park Place. So frustrating! It makes me all wroth. Heaven is supposed to be life affirming. What about your husband. What’s his name and why isn’t he here to meet me.”
His name is Herman Sherman and Emma Enigma,” replied Auntie Carol.
“Oh, no, not one of those cross dressers, a homo. Oh my, heavens, no and Sacre Bleu. I bet he doesn’t know if he’s coming or going!” exclaimed “mom”.
“He’s a psychiatrist for those with sexual dysfunction. He is both woman and man, a hermaphrodite, “said Auntie Carol.
“My God, are you a lesbian. None of us Plantagenets were ever queer!” said mom. “And what of my credo, always pay your bills, don’t eat ice cream, and never murder anyone. And what should be in every lady’s purse. Answer me, young lady.”
“Mom,” said Auntie Carol, “I am not queer. I just make love to Herman/Emma in two different ways and I go by your credo every day of my life. Thirdly a young lady should always have in her purse, a tube of pink lipstick, smelling salts to prevent the vapors, and a small flask of Tea Rose perfume or Faberge’s Woodhue, and a non-maxed out credit card. And never wear soiled underwear in case one gets hit by a bus. So they can say of your corpse, ‘What a clean an upstanding woman she was. More’s the pity. She’s dead as a door nail.”
“I have taught you well, Carol Ann. But I never thought you’d marry a homodyte,” said “mom”.
“Hermaphrodite, Mom. He’s not gay and yes he has a dick and a vagina.. and I make love to him as a woman and also as a man. I was always clever, mom.”
“I’m glad the shock didn’t kill me as I am already dead. And the language is horrid. Haven’t I taught you to say male protuberance and woman’s flower. Such ugly words. You’ve become a tart. Fabian, whom you used to love, would never even date you the way you are now. I swear to God, Carol Ann, you’ve fallen on hard times and your character has eroded. I never raised you to be a libertine. You’re going to hell in a hand besket,”said “mom”,
“Oh, Mommy, you are so dear. But as much as I hate to admit it: I was very sheltered by your teaching’s snd had many a rude comeuppance because of it in this day and age. It’s 2013 and it is hell on earth and you’re a Republican mom. They’re not going to let many more of you into heaven: this I can promise. The world has come unhinged.”
“OH, my darling, Baby. I wish I could hold you to my bosom and heal you from all your wounds. I had no idea things were so drastic. Darling, I must go now. I love you. Kissee! Kissee!
With that Auntie Carol’s mother faded to a mist. I saw in the org the visage of my old lover, King Louis XIV, “Le Roi Soleil” or the “Sun King.” And I was myself not a Zombie with eyes rolled back in my head and he was a splendid looking man with his mane of curly brown hair. I could tell they were quite impressed.
“Ladies, I sense your presence in this room and I tell you not to go in this world with a lust for power and riches for you shall end up in Hell as where I am. I was a rogue in life and am a rouge now. I play chess with the devil and he fancies my wit so I have it easier than some. Black Orchid, How about a little ghost cock? I am powerful enough to become corporeal.”
It was Ice cold but somehow burned hot and I came many times as I truly still loved Louis, Yet the circle remained unbroken. By and by Lord, By and by.