Hello, mes amis, this is the Black Orchid, your fond immortal and may I say “T’was the night before Christmas and all though the house, not a creature is stirring not even a mouse.” I have invited Auntie Carol and Lady Lynda and Wanda Lust, Crack whore, over for my annual Christmas fete. I also, of course invited their respective spouses Herman Sherman/Emma Enigma, Seymour Toze, and of course, Wanda’s man, Fat Harold. I realize you note Auntie Carol’s mate Herman has two names: he is a hermaphrodite and has two separate personas, one male and one female. On this most auspicious of Eve’s I want people I love around me. I want you to note that Herman came as Emma Enigma, in a low cut chartreuse green, spandex cocktail dress, and his female voice was low and melodious like an oboe. Wanda just marched right in and plopped a huge pot of black eyed peas on my stove, “It aint Christmas, Hon, widout’ the black eyed peas,” she said and then she introduced me to Fat Harold, an amiable and witty fellow with a fetish for food.

I had a thirty foot Blue Spruce in the main ballroom of my mansion which was resplendent with little white Italian lights, colored balls, (don’t go there, doll) and little stuffed toy redbirds and squirrels. I also used antique bubble lights that you don’t see any more. I made by hand some of the ornaments. You see, I painted sea shells metallic red and silver and then I created little worlds to go inside the shells. Little fawns, angels, elves & Santas with tiny sprigs of greenery behind them.

On the CD was Lou Rawls’ singing, “Merry Christmas, Baby”, to be followed by other R&B greats like Billie Holiday, the Temptations, Louis Armstrong, and Lena Horne. The smell of the twenty-three pound turkey mingled with that of the home made Christmas pies, mincemeat, pumpkin, cherry and apple. I do all my own cooking as it is one of my forms of creativity. My friends also brought their specialties, candied yams by Auntie Carol, and Kasha & Bowties by Lady Linda who is Jewish. And one of them brought home made corn muffins, and I’m thinking, Wanda Lust.

My devotees or acolytes were topless and wearing red and green leotards and colorful elves’ stocking caps. Glistening pecs and tassels on the female slave’s tits. Think Barbara Eden out of the old TV show, I Dream of Jeannie, like a harem girl . They also had on little leather vests on their bare skin. One can scarcely ever be “too erotic.” Oh yes, the men had mistletoe hanging down their chests and they were not at all loathe to use this for advantage. Tongue kissing all around. A hunk fest for my pals, Lady Lynda and Auntie Carol. My devotee when around with platters of food and drink and were instructed to say either “Master or Mistress, how may I serve Thee?” I have taken my friends from M&M’s to S&M. Wanda already knew as she’s a dominatrix and makes a load of money in her given profession. Though her heart belongs to Fat Harold, her ass belongs to the world. Fat Harold would just as soon support her but Wanda “insists” she has to be her own woman and have her own money.

After we acted out Dicken’s Christmas Carol, everyone kind of paired off and not necessarily with each one’s own spouse. Except for Wanda who jealously stuck like Velcro to Fat Harold. I commandeered Emma Enigma and determined to teach her/him the wisdom of the ages. Anyone who’ had trysts with Caligula know a thing or two. Did I mention I am immortal, and am three thousand years old. Cleopatra was also my lover as was Wil Shakespeare as we called him. Auntie Carol Chose my favorite slave, Edgar Triste, dark and brooding and somewhat sinister. Think ‘Heathcliff’, out of Wuthering Heights, while Lady Lynda took the blond, rustic, Tomas Le Fey, who made her laugh all the way to the bedroom. Oh, might, I add that I had a tux on with eight inch stiletto’s and that I played Ebebezer. While the three girls played the ghosts. It, my portrayal, was reminiscent of the great Marlene Deitrich in “The Blue Angel’ save for the fact that I am raven haired, and Marlene was blonde. I am not amateur when it comes to acting. But unlike some people, I know when I am acting. Like with Jehovah’s Witnesses when I tell them I am a Buddhist and then try to convert them to Buddhism. I will say , I am a tad androgynous, for I can take the male part in love making or the female role. I took the male role with Emma/Herman this evening and I leave it to you to interpret my actions. Look, I’m not a porn star nor do I want to be. What we shared shall remain a mystery ”What a Piece of Work Is Man”. Thank you, ‘Wil” and “Merry Christmas to All and to All a Good Night.”

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