Auntie Carol dressed in white suit with tangerine colored blouse Looked like a  push up sherbert bar.  Her patent leather low sensible heels sparkled on her tiny feet and she wondered if her private area could be reflected in them as the nuns had told her at Catholic School.  Alors! And heaven’s no!  She certainly hoped not.

She started the classroom discussion about a grave matter in her mind.
“Well,girls after much pondering, I’m sad to say I feel you’re on the path to moral degradation and generally going to hell.”

“We’re going to hell, Miz Carol?” said Pixie girl in between spasms of laughter.
“And what’s in heaven, anyway,  all the vanilla ice cream you can eat? And everyone’s a virgin.”

“You can laugh all you want, young ladies, but when you feel your brain boiling like Italian wedding soup in your skulls who will have the last laugh.  That, icidentally is part of the venerable writer, James Joyce’s apt description of hell.”

“What’s in heaven anyway, Miz Carol.  All the interesting people are in hell,” said PipSqueak Girl.
“Incidentally, Miz Carol, is John Updyke’s last name an effront to the lesbians?”

“I doubt that, young lady.  It would be a shame.”

The whole classroom convulsed with laughter.

“A shame, Miz Carol, you are a real card,” said Pixie girl, and the sound of her laughter like choir bells or sparrows chirping in trees echoed in the room.

“A lady never ridicule’s others, my dear.  If one can not say something nice, one should say nothing at all.”

“She doesn’t mean to to be cruel, Miz Carol,” said Lashonda, stifling a laugh.  “We like you. We really do: it’s just that you’re so weird. We really like you because you really care.”

“Well, we don’t seem to be reaching you, so we are bringing in an outside consultant, a Ms. Wanda Lust.  They should be here shortly. Maybe you’ll listen to her if you won’t listen to us.”

At that moment, Lady Lynda marched  in with Wanda Lust in tow.  They were a study in contrast.  Lady Lynda with her neat navy blue suits and open toes stilletos.  Wanda Lust was in her street clothes, a black leather zip up jacket with a gold sparkly top, black leather hot pants and gold glitter pantyhose with eight inch kicky boots.

Wanda Stood in the middle of the room, hands on hips in a confrontational stance and she stared down all the girls, one by one.

Girls, I guess ya knows I aint the Tooth Fairy.  I be Wanda Lust’ and I unnerstand Ya been givin’ my friends a lot of flack.  The first bitch What say ‘whatever’ gone git a bitch slap. I aint ’bout no crap.

Lashanda if she were a cat would have flattened ears and  would have had a twitiching tail.
“We’re not whores Miz Whatever.  We dont’ take money.  Her lower lip kind of puffed out.

Wanda promptly went over and bitch slapped her.

Miz Carol you can’t let her lay hands on me.  I’m going to sue!”

“What I got to tell ya’ be a damn sight mo’ important than a bitch slap.  Hear me out and then decide if ya still wants to press charges against a sistah, do it then, okay?  Raise up yo’ hands if ya’ is wid’ me, and want ta hear what I got to say.  The hands went up slowly.
Ya thinks maybe even one of them gone repec’ ya if ya don’ respec’ yoself?  Ya’ think wearin’ those designer clothes gone git’ ya some respect.?
Don’t let these guys takin’ advantage of you and feedin’ you lines.  It jes’t not right.
“Auntie Carol and Lady Lynda right.  Don’ give yoself out like two cent candy like is some kind of a slave to these mens.  Ya make sure the guy care fo’ you before you do anythin’.  Make him show some love and respect’.  You play like it don’ bother you but you lyin.”

“That’s not true,” interjected Lashonda,”Times are different now. We just don’t get involved, and nobody gets hurt.” that way.”

“That’s right,” said Pip Squeak Girl. “We don’t want love.  It’s old fashioned and we’re way beyond that.”

If one thing be true Ol’ Wanda Lust don’ mince words.  I wants ya to have a better life then I did though my life pretty damn good now.  So ya lissens to Auntie Carol and Lady Lynda and quit makin’ fun of them.  They wants what’s best fo’ you.  I know they old fashioned but where it written that be a bad thing.

Lashonda asked if Wanda would come visiting again and she smiled real big like the morning sun, and said “Whatever.”

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About Carol Bond

I, auntiecarol69, am a poetry and prose writer. My comic Novella, CATFISH JOE is on Barnes & Noble.com, Amazon.com & iUniverse.com. I have two other unpublished properties, a book of Noir Poems of Tainted Love, a full length novel (LA GITANA) that is about a Machiavellian 17th century gypsy who becomes courtezan to Louis XIV, the Sun King. I got my degree in English & anthropology. It has been as useful as a bullet to the head. I write The Black Orchid, Wanda Lust a & Auntie Carol. Lynda or Lady Lynda creates the Lady Lynda & Seymour Toze part of the BLOG. A brilliant person and my co-writer, Lynda got her degree in art history. We both try not to get historical (hysterical).
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