Rules for the Perfect Husband

Hello Class. This is your fellow teacher, Lady Lynda.
I realize this lecture is very important. I must present myself as a powerful image to the young ladies in the charm school class, I wore a lemon, black and white diagnonal striped Calvin Klein chiffon sheath.
I am going to teach you a most important subject. You could think of as a companion piece to Auntie Carol’s lecture on the Pluperfect wife. In fact it complements her talk. You could say they both go hand and hand like a horse and carriage, like love and marriage. And so without further ado I now present to you, class, my rules for a pluperfect husband.
Now you may be asking yourselves how can she teach us of the perfect husband. Whats the deal with that. Now while I may not be …that way…. with a man who is , my man Seymour Toze is to me the ideal man. What I learned of manhood I learned from him.
Here are some rather impressive rules he taught me.

I still remember when we first met in swim class in the prep school on the mainline , suburban Phila, PA. where we were both students. I just thought it was so toerrific how he gazed so lovingly at my toes. I was in my one piece bathing suit with the trim little skirt and he was in his elastic blue and white vertical striped bathing trunks. There’s nothing that can compare to meeting just this side of nudity to get to know each other.

First an ideal husband believes in complete give and take with his wife. He consistently has the upper hand and sometimes when needed a good back hand. In the bedroom where the female spouse should always do and be at the whim of her beloved husband. Oh yes and another thing he is never be called hubby. He is her husband. Marriage is sacrosanct and the word hubby is definitely not respectful enough. My oh my it sounds like a pet name. Same thing regarding wifey and little woman. Each partner in domestic bliss should respect each other. That includes what they do in the boudoir too.

Second A good husband is a good breadwinner. No girls, he doesn’t win bread. Yes I’m hip as they say. In my day there were beatnicks. Their slang term for money was bread. And no I’m not certain if that is the origin of the phrase breadwinner. I just know the man should earn more and even better, significantly more than the wife. In fact the wife doesn’t need to make any money. The husband should support her financially as well as emotionally. Need to mention that other kind of support. I know my Seymour is a good breadwinner with his fashion photography especially of women’s fashionable open toed¬† heels.

Third He should encourage his woman if she wants to explore new ventures. For example when my gentleman friend Seymour Toze and I traveled to Intercourse PA, oh stop that tittering… to see the world’s cheapest freak show.” And this leads to a rather noble characteristic. He should be sympathetic to the less fortunate. I remember especially how he expressed such sympathy to the poor unfortunate young man with the deviated septum.

Fourthly One other thing he should be organized and know how perfectly fix every contraption in your household, no matter what it is and if not he should be capable of completely understanding a handyman manual. Nothing in the home that is broken should ever phase him. There should be absolutely no exception to this rule. It is a man’s duty to be a Mr. Fixit.

He must be fair and considerate. For example Seymour and I take turns choosing restaurants. One week its his turn and the next week its mine. However one thing we never ever do is to try to force one another to dine where either of us deigns not to want to dine. We treat ourselves fairly no matter what. To do so otherwise would be most uncouth.

A good husband lets his wife fetch his slippers for him, so she can show her gratefulness to him.

A good husband gently reminds his wife it is her duty to consistently laugh at his jokes. He doesn’t need to remind her how fragile his ego is.

Lastly he should adore his woman’s feet including her ten little pretties, in her high heeled open toed shoes.¬† Just like Seymour Toze adores mine.</font></code>

Share This:

About Carol Bond

I, auntiecarol69, am a poetry and prose writer. My comic Novella, CATFISH JOE is on Barnes & Noble.com, Amazon.com & iUniverse.com. I have two other unpublished properties, a book of Noir Poems of Tainted Love, a full length novel (LA GITANA) that is about a Machiavellian 17th century gypsy who becomes courtezan to Louis XIV, the Sun King. I got my degree in English & anthropology. It has been as useful as a bullet to the head. I write The Black Orchid, Wanda Lust a & Auntie Carol. Lynda or Lady Lynda creates the Lady Lynda & Seymour Toze part of the BLOG. A brilliant person and my co-writer, Lynda got her degree in art history. We both try not to get historical (hysterical).
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.