Auntie Carol decided to introduce the first tract of her course, “The Art of Flirting” before launching into the major schematic of the course, “The Perfect Wife” Lady Lynda was there, also. It was a rainy Wednesday, and the girls were even more restless and querilous than usual.
“Miz Carol why do you both wear those silly white gloves all the time. Are you afraid of germs?”
asked a girl named Lashonda, a stylish black teen-ager with
beauty shop, short dreadlocks, pink mini-skirt, and a white tee shirt that ended at her bust line. A silver ring pierced her belly button and the other peircings were on her face.
“I might ask you the same thing about those piercings”, replied Auntie Carol.
“It’s just the style today and guys like it,” replied the girl.
“Well, Dear, I wear them to show I am a well-dressed, proper lady” at which the entire class burst out in riotous laughter.
Lady Lynda intoned,” That’s certainly not very polite of you, girls.”
Pixie girl in black tights, Hugs. and a colorful red and black wool sweater, tossed her pink streaked hair over her shoulder, and said,”We know but it was funny.”
“Funny! This is serious business, girls. The business of being a lady. The greatest thing any woman could ever aspire to”. said Auntie Carol.
Pipsqueak Girl in a Micky Mouse tee shirt and hip hugger Jeans, said. “I want to be a neuro-surgeon. I think that is more serious than some damn white gloves.”
“Well, it’s a noble aspiration but the lesson today is more on a fun and frivolous note, and if you girls quiet down we can begin,and we might even have some light hearted fun. Just let us present the entire lesson. Questions later. ”
“Proceed, Auntie Carol.” said Lady Lynda.
“Alright, I guess it could be more interesting than the grocery list, giggled Pixie Girl.
“Well that’s very charitable of you, young lady, said Auntie Carol.
“What’s aspire mean, Miz Carol?”said Pixie Girl.
“It means attain or in your language, aim for.”
“You talk like we’re the freaks,” said Lashonda, “and really you’re the freaks. Caught in some kind of time warp. You don’t even know anything about our lives or how things really are.”
Lady Lynda interjected,”Ah, yes young lady, but we do. We’ve pulled your files and that’s why we see the need for our course.”
“All right, what the hell, we’ll listen,” said Lashonda, who, Auntie Carol noted was a leader in the class.
“First,”said Auntie Carol, “One should give the object of one’s desire a sideways glance: then look away and smile. Do this on several different occasions, Remember, the male of the species likes to fancy himself to be the hunter until you ensnare him. Then when he falls madly, hoplessly, in love with you, always stare directly into his eyes, then duck your head in a gesture of modesty. Put little smiley faces on his locker, and on his desk, and leave little frivolous notes about like, “You’re the apple of my eye”,
or “You make my heart go pitty-pat.” By all means, compliment him contantly and laugh at all his jokes even if you don’t understand them. That my girls, is how you get a man.”
“Wouldn’t it just be more simple to go down on him?” quipped Pixie girl., tilting her head to the side.
“Do What, young lady? asked Auntie Carol. Lady Lynda went over and whispered into Auntie Carol’s ear, and she promptly turned beet red, put her hand to her heart, and said, “Oh, my heavens,” and fainted dead away.
The girls crowded around her and one girl asked if she was dead.
“Not, dead, dear, just in shock. Now you girls get to your next class. I’ll handle this,” said Lady Lynda. When she came to she asked Lady Lynda how she knew what the phrase meant,
and she replied, “A Lady never tells,
Dear. CAROL ANN