Lady Lynda on How to Handle Trolls.

Lady Lynda on dealing with trolls.
Lady Lynda walked rather dignified to the podium. It looked dwarfed to her on that good sized state. Her expression was complete serious. She wore a rose pink brocaded cotton suit that consisted of a jacket and matching skirt. The length skimmed the botton of her knobby knees. Her silk blouse was of a print of splashes of colors of hot pink , orchid and navy blue. On her feet were complementary leather open toed pumps. She wore the shoes to please her husband who simply adored her fleshy tender toes.

A couple minutes later she situated her moderately plump smidgen over five feet form. She peered at the packed crowd. She perused them for what they wore, their reaction, enthusiasm, interest in her subject. The speaker briefly perused the people there,noticing that most of them were millenials. They were pretty much evenly divided between males and females. She cleared her throat and began her talk.
She was pleased she was back to her calling. Educating the public on important issues. In this case crucial internet lessons for the masses. One can’t be too careful dealing with the world wide web she thought.
“Ladies and gentlemen I am here to teach you a very important lesson for many folks who use the net. That’s the issue of trolls. Particuarly how to deal with them. First I am referring to the insuting, hurtful ones. The ones that want to start an arguement no matter what you write. I’m not referring to threatening ones. To be clear, the ones that make threats that could become truly possible. Even more probable. Those trolls you don’t react to. At least not to the disgusting creep trolling you. Instead you contact your local police department and do what they say to you.
The ones I’m telling you about are the insulting ones who are only dangerous to your feelings. Yes feelings are important and one way to feel good is to handle trolls victoriously. In the next minute I am going to tell you how I do it. This works for virtually every attack by these nasty folks.
You simply reply to each their own. Now who would argue with that? How c ould anyone disagree with that sentiment? Its an all purpose comeback that is true and not insulting or threatening. Remember you don’t want to go their disgusting level.
“When you respond with to each their own you acknowledge their trollism but you don’t offend them You say what is true and unargueable. Therefore you make them feel if not warm toward you, not irate toward you either. Plus that phrase fits virtually every situation known to exist.”
“What if to each their own doesn’t work” asked a young man churlishly. Then he crossed his hands tight acrss his tight fitting tee shirt on his rugged chest. His expression was one of go ahead show me what you got. He looked like a punk kid who hung around dimly lit poolhalls

This time Lady Lynda was immediately at a loss of words Her face quickly turned beet red. She felt she was beat. The woman soon realized she must come up with a retort. Lady Lynda cleared her throat to come up with a comeback. She told herself that brash young man must get his comeuppence.
Seymour Toze’s wife slowly but clearly spoke. “Why woudn’t it do the trick?”
The cad replied “I don’t know. I just want to know if it doesn’t”

“Well then one respones with what could be more neutral than to each their own?”

“What if they still want a fight?”
“Looks like you want a fight my young man By the way trolls are suppose to anonymous.”
“Deal with it”

Lsdy Lynda ‘s face tured fully cooked lobster red. Her blood pressure felt dangerously high. She waved her hand rapidly in front of her face to keep from fainting.

“Your deploable statements freflect much on you than me. That’s the case that decision is a reflection on them and not on you.”
The mostly sharply dressed middle class audience clapped and cheered while the man who asked the question scowled. It was clear to the speaker she struck a chord with the disgustig interloper who was there to mock her.
“One cant expect anything to be sucessful But that truth shouldn’t prevent us from trying. The whole point of my lecture is not to consistently succeed but to never give up. Always persevere is my motto If that doesn’t do the trick ignore the troll. That saying don’t feed the trolls isn’t just a saying.”

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Lady Lynda and Seymour Toze’s Passover Seder.

Peseach Lady Lynda
“Feeing strange being in such an ultra orthodox sercive. Out of place but loving the piety of the observation.
“I felt quitereluctant going to this ultra orthodox sedar but being a procastinator this was the only one I could attend. As for the rest of the local sedars there was no room or prices too high for yours truly. This synagogue “Temple Ruach” The space at the Jewish house of worship was a long , rectangle shape with a long table with rows of crystal dishes and goblets for the wine and other beverages. The parts of the meal before the main course was on a silver plated plate with divided section for each part of the premeal.
Unfortunately I wound up at the longest Sedar I can remember. It felt as if it was interminable. When I thought the service was finally ended they started singing with gusto “Ninety Nine Bottles of Mogen David” on the wall Geesh Every verse was sung!!!!
I made certain I dressed for the occasion You know me I’m so much into dressing properly My loose fitting flannel navy dress was at least two inches below my knees. I wore long sleeves. I didn’t want show too much skin. Wouldn’t want to tempt the men there. Oh I did realize this iwas a religious service but men I know are still of the flesh. Even if most of them are engaged, with a girlfriend or married Besides Seymour was with me I am middle aged but I’m told I look much younger One can’t be too certain. I presume the gay men and lesbians would behave themselves and keep to themselves.
The ceremony was like any other Sedar. It started with the blessing In Hebrew the Kiddish. The Seder begins with the saying of Kiddush. It’s to bless this most sacredof Jewish days. Kiddish means holiness. When its said the Kiddush acknowledge the sacredness of this holy day The LORD is thanked that he bought the peopleto celebrate the holiday.
I felt a little tipsy once I drank the fourth wine cup of syrupy sweet Mogen David. I’ve participated in other Sedars iso I knew it was the custom for each person’s cup to be filled by another participant The other person was a servant Tje cups were drunk as everyone reclinedreclined on their left side. Its suppose to symbolize luxury and majesty.
Then we went to the kitchen sink to wash our hands. Next the meal. It consisted of bitter herbs. In this case parsely dipped in salt water. The dipping was to represent the bitter tears of slavery in those years in Ancient Egypt. The Maroses was made of chopped nuts, chunky apple sauce That part of the meal was meant to remind the partakers there of the martor.
We ate Matzah or Motzah if you prefer Its a kind of flat bread made from dough that doesn’t rise. So its really super duper flatbread. It makes flatbread like like its risen to the sky This variety I could tell was totally vegan. Veganism seems to be the in thing these days. I never saw so many animal lovers ever in my dear life. I wasn’t surprised at all the main course was a lentil dish. It was hearty and very filling. Finally the blessing of the Pesach and well wishes for everyone there Seymour and I loved being there . With the wine, the delicious food, the friendliness of the people there it was a warm, hearty, meaningful celebration. Tooleloo. Here’s to my partner in arms and colleague Auntie Carol and her Easter Egg at her church “Church of the Devoted Evangelists”

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Paddy’s Day and Purim.

Lady Lynda observes Purim . A Jewish holiday commenerating the Bibical story of Esther.
Lady Lynda’s feelings were quite mixed. The woman thought of how festive Purim was On the other hand she felt sorry Auntie Carol couldn’t celebrate St Patrick’s day. Her colleage fondly reminesced about previous St Pat’s celebrations in the recent years The wearing of the Green The shamrock necklaces, the everybody is Irish March 17th. Being teetotalers they nixed the Green Bear. Unfortunately Her friend and professional partner situation took a turn for the worse. Her main concern was seeking a new apartment. She needed to move due to her health Lady Lynda felt a tingue of guilt looking forward to the Festival of Lots festivities at Bnai Emanual Reform.
Seymour Toze’s wife gleamed as she recalled the last couple years of the Jewish holiday at Bnai Emmanual. The woman beamed as she pictured the congregation children putting on their yearly Purim play. The prettiest preteen girl would play Esther. Her doting , caring uncle Mordecai woudl be portrayed by a thirteen year old boy slightly taller than the girl representing Esther. King Ashurasus and Arch villian Hamen being acted by other pre-teen boys at the Bnai Emmanual synagogue. They would reinact the eternal Biblical story in the book of Esther The Persian king’s wife disrespecting him Her husband couldn’t tolerate her wickedness. The Persian leader creating a contest to find the best woman to find his new wife. Esther wining the beauty contest sans the king knowing her true origins. In the meantime Mordecai believing he should not bow down to anyone except the LORD refuses to bown down to Hamen Hamen is totally incensed .He orders Esther’s uncle to be hung on the gallows. He states he’ll slay every Jew in Persia. Esther tries to tell her royal husband. Her spouse tells her he can’t break an order. But he can make a new one countering the original proclaimation He permits the Jewish populace to fight back. The result is the happy ending of the Jews being victorious in preventing disaster The entire crowd cheering Esther and booing nefarious Haman. Clapping and cheeriing the villian getting his commuppence.
Lady Lyndas looked eagerly forward to the latest Purim party at Bnai Emmanual. The woman gushed with delight as she gl eefully anticipated the story of Esther play given by the kids of the synagogue.
There she was the next day at Bnai Emmanual for the Purim fest. Lady Lynda and her husband SeymourToze happily found a seat near the front row. They were so glad the temple was reform and the women and men could sit together. It looked to the Toze’s both the grownups and the kids were joyfully anticipating the show.

The couple and other members soon saw how the kids really hammed it up as they once more reinacted the story of Esther and Purim their parents and other grownups gushed with pride. The costumes,especially Eshter;s beautiful emerald green dress with its turquoise and gold glued on sequins truly made the sweet little girl playing the heroine looked genuinely like a princess The congragents delighted in booing the villian Hamen They cheered on seeing the loving heroism of the boy playing Mordechai It was a fine time for everyone celebrating the festival proving the providence of the LORD Rabbi Samual Bernstein thanked everyone and wished them a happy , joyous Purim and to her Irish friends a joyous Saint Patrick’s Day

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Lady Lynda and Seymour Toze Enjoy their Hot “Dating” at the Italian Restaurant

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“Oh Seymour your royal blue worsted suit really brings out your deep sapphire eyes” gushed Lady Lynda.
“Lady Lynda my dearest one. Your pretty navy and white floral print cotton dress with the pert off shoulder wavy sleeves make you look the epitomy of graceful womanhood.
Seymour gazed quite pleased at his elegant wife. He felt a stirring in his heart but unfortunately he couldn’t tell if it was a hint of fondness, pride or hunger pangs.
It was a full 20 minutes. No waitperson was there to serve them their meals.
Lady Lynda looked throughout the eatery for someone to serve them. As she perused the establishment she noticed how the delightful photos of the old country charm of Italy. There were photographs of a male gondolier on a boat with tourists in Venice. There was one of the Leaning Tower of Pisa. There were the busy streets of elegant Rome.
The couple relished their closeness on the cozy leather seats. The square table was the perfect size. The fresh-cut deep red roses in the center was the right touch for a Valentine’s day lunch.
“Oh Seymour this is such a fine dining place. The waitpeople are so helpful Do you know what you want to order?
“No not yet. I’m still perusing this delightful menu. Let’s see. Hamburger con fromaggio. Flat Italian framaggio pies.
“Everything here looks so delectable. How in the world do they make such delicacies.”
“This restaurant is highly recommend by gourmands.” commented Toze.
Without much ado the couple ordered the Valentine Special , two Steak Pizzeola oozing with fresh tomato sauce made with chunky tomatoes, sizzling onions and drizzled with pungent garlic on a long Italian bread roll.
Ten minutes later the meal came. When Lady Lynda looked up at the server she thought he looked rather familiar Then as she glanced at him she realized he was the man who flirted with her at the New Age Book Shop two weeks earlier. She remembered his aquamarine eyes eagerly fluttering at her. She nervously recalled how he blurted out adoring her long gold discs necklace. He called her girlfriend. She beamed such a colorful man was interested in her. The woman currently felt her heart sink. Seymour’s wife dearly wondered how to handle the touchy situation. Especially when Seymour’ looked so concerned.
The waiter politely told the couple he hoped they enjoyed their meals. He gave no hint of his earlier encounter with Lady Lynda, Toze’s wife wondered why that was. It was only less than a week since her encounter with him. But she admitted she was relieved he didn’t let on their flirty experience at the New Age Book Store. Then as the waiter left he slyly winked at Lady Lynda as if to say “Let’s keep our secret. It was a charming interlude” Lady Lynda was grateful his behavior revealed a true gentleman.

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So Many Opportunities to be Close to Seymour.

February So many holidays to enjoy romantic evenings with Seymour.
“There’s Ground Hog Day, Candalmas, Presidents Day, Valentines Day Susan B. Anthony Women’s Rights day. Imbolc, TuBashet, Hindu, Buddhist and many more days of celebration including a holiday I created. Susan B. Anthony Day. February 15. That’s her birthday. To me its American Women’s Feminist Day. She was a founder of US feminism in the 19th Century. But my point is there are so many days to celebrate. Oh uh I’m not so sure about that Jewish holiday I feel such shame but knowing that but I’ m not clear if its a fast day. I better look it up in my Jewish Calendar. ” Lady Lynda intoned quite excitedly but still in a prim manner.
Lady Lynda always loved the month of February She gleefully smiled when she thought of the many holidays she could celebrate with her soul, sole mate Seymour Toze The woman fondly recalled how the second month was so beloved by her and Toze. It was the part of the year that celebrated their togetherness the most.
It wasn’t only so many special days but so many different kinds. They were both Jewish, the middle aged woman reminded herself but it was so much fun to be part of other traditions. It was a delight dining in the various ethnic restaurants. There was even the fact that three wholely different celebrations fell on the second day of February Mrs Toze reminded herself there was Christian Candalmas, WIccan Imbolc and good old US Ground Hog Day. There were Jewish, Christian, Catholic Christian, Orthodox Christian, Buddhist, Hindu, Wiccan. Plus February fifteen was US Feminist Susan B. Anthony’s birthday.
Lady Lynda visualized a slow fade and the next thing she knew she and Seymour were transportedr to a local Irish eatery, Bridgid’s Bounty for breakfast. The completely befuddled woman gawked at the quaint cozy establishment She perused the menu, thinking of how being such a dear, devoted wife, she well deserved for husband to take her to this charming place.
The Celtic restaurant was decorated with real fresh Irish Shamrocks. The walls were a pleasant Kelly green On the white linen clothed square shaped tables were fresh gardenias in the center. There were two tall wax candles with the scent of Juniper. The chairs were dark brown wood and of a sturdy , simple design that stressed function much more than style They looke to be quite comfortable.
“Happy Imbolc my dear” exclaimed Seymour Toze with glee. This is such a special time for us. Its not often we go out for breakfast. But this being Imbolc I thought you’d be in the mood for authentic Irish Oatmeal. I know I am”

“How right you are Seymour. You read me loud and clear Did you know Brighid plays an important in the celebration of Imbolc? ”

“No I didn’t. Do tell my dearest” Lady Lynda sweetly demurred.
“DId you know this day is also know as Brighid’s day? It was on this day Badgers were used to predict the upcoming weather in the next couple weeks. Speaking of couple oh how us being a couple. Okay getting back to Bridhid’s day the use of using animals to predict the weather was I truly believe to be the start of Ground Hog Day. ”

“Oh my dear sweetypie Puxatawny Phil is not the first mammal to foretell what the day’s weathery conditions would be like??!!! I trust you’re not telling one of your many canards Seymour , his wifey asked somewhat puzzled . So I see that’s why you took me to Bridgid’s Bounty Not exactly Bridhid but close enough… ..I love being close to you my manly Seymour. I’m so happy you adore all of me and not just my ten pretties”

“Oh no my honey bunny this I swear is absolutely true. The German immigrants I think of the early nineteenth century took some of their pagan ways with them to PA Dutch country. Even though the vast majority practiced various forms of Christianity.

“I just know I want to practice being an even more grateful loving mate to you Seymour. The more I see you Seymour the more I love being with you. I’m looking forward our romantic interlude with you on February 10 Tu Bishvat, the Jewish Tree New Year””
“We’ll dine at a Jewish deli for that one:” commented Lady Lynda’s soul mate.

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Lady Lynda discovers a Wonderful Christmas.

The prim middle aged woman perused the merchandise in the department store in the local mall She was shopping for holiday gifts for her family and close friends. She smiled as she hears the Christmas music. The decorative flashing red, green and yellow lights, wreaths, many Santa’s its such a festive time to her Her heart goes pitter patter as she smiles joyfully with the colorful festivities that surround her.

Lady Lynda’s resplendant white teeth were as bright as a thousand stars as she watched with glee the boys and girls runnng toward Santa Claus. Lady Lynda sighed with delightr as she remembered how the Christian kids acted so gleefully when ever they saw Santa in a mall.
Auntie Carol’s colleage suddenly noticed a little boy straggling from behind. It was not hard to figure why. He was wearing a leg brace. She grimaced as she felt a pang in her heart as she sympathetically watched the boy struggle to keep with the other kids.

The woman presumed the children with him were his classmates. She winced as she saw how the other children barely socialize with him. She forlornly remembered how she was odd girl out in grade school because she was so bashful She fondly recalled too when she took special speech lessons because of her difficulty in pronouncing certain consonent sounds. She felt much pride in the fact those speech lessons were the impetus of her making speeches throughout the US on the importance of good etiquette

Toze’s spouse smiled and her eyes sparkled when she observed one of the little girls slowing down to help the crippled boy. Mrs Toze beamed as she witnessed the girl helping the lame boy. She deliberately didn’t think of any jokes on being crippled because she thought that was way too lame. The woman felt pity for the wee small crippled boy His pathetic condition tore at her heart She wished she could do something about his dire plight. ished she could somehow make his Christmas bright. If only there was a way she prayed with all her might. Give him joy this magical night.

Lady Lynda felt a tear slowly drift down her right cheek as she ever so reluctantly reminded herself there was no official connection between her and any of the sprites in front of her. Her eyes became even mistier when she thought of how there didn’t seem to be any way she could bring holiday cheer to the dear urchins. If only there was way she pined.
Suddenly in the corner of her eye, Lady Lynda saw a gleam of section in the doll section. There were dolls that resembled boys and girls with physical disabilities. One such doll wore a knee brace on his left leg. He was made of a soft cuddly material with the sweetest of expressions on his face He looked to be the perfect gift for the physically disabled boy.
Now the issue mused Lady Lynda was how to give the toy to the boy. She thought too that issue was so much nicer, much less threatening, disturbing word than problem. Just then she thought of an even better word, challenge. Yes it certainly would be challenging to give a gift to a child who was a total stranger. How in the world would she overcome this hurdle?
Lady Lynda thought long and hard. If only she could find a way. She started to pray. Next thing she heard was the store was sponsoring a toy drive. The LORD works in mysterious ways i am so overjoyed He answered my prayers.
Toze’s better half was befuddled on where the direction of the voice on the loudspeaker was oming from. She gasped as she saw the little urchins about to leave the department store. She swiftly concluded there was no time to lose. If only she could find where that voice was. It seemed to her it was such a mysterious voice that sent shudders down her ample frame. It was a message she told herself. Now it was her duty to track down where it was.
Auntie Carol’s friend and colleage thought of how so much she wanted to give that little crippled boy that doll. But unfortunately she groaned not being capable of finding the source of the disembodied male voice keeping her from her goal.
The woman reminded herself that it was the winter holiday season and she so much wanted to give some sunshine to some worthy child. A child who would treasure the toy she would give him and play with it as if it was new member of his family.

“Yes I know he’d love that cripple doll. A soft cuddly boy that was just like him Lady Lynda hoped and prayed there was enough time to find that voice before the store closed. Time was getting short. She gasped as she saw on her cell the store would be closing soon. There was absolutely no wiggle room.
Lady Lynda ran at her top speed through out the halls of the first floor of the dept. store. She dashed through both the women’s and men’s clothing department including the juniors and plus sizes for female clothes. She gulped in disgust as the plus sizes reminded her of how miserable she was at reaching her weight goal. She huffed as she moved as swiftly as possible on her five feet two body with size sixteen frame. Well at least all this running was good exercise for her fitness goal she sighed.

The woman dashed through every department on the first floor. The shoes, handbags and other fashion accessories, jewelry section, the small appliances. the exercise equipment. Seymour Toze’s wife sighed as the machines reminded her she needed to be more active.
She hoped she could forgive herself if she didn’t find the source of the loudspeaker announcement before the children left, especially the crippled little boy. If only she could find where that voice was coming from?
Then as Lady Lynda was breathing heavily from exhaustion and about to give up she suddenly saw there in the center of the store a man talking over a loud speaker. There, that’s him. That’s him That’s him she yelled excitedly. Now she could breath a sigh of relief. She felt liberated . Her dream come true. Now she would walk on over and ask where to pick up the toy. Lady Lynda beamed. She would be in the true spirit of giving in the Christmas Hanukuh, Kwanzah , every other holiday celebrated in this holiday season.

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