ERASMUS NUTLEY, CURMUDGEON

ERASMUS HUTLEY, CURMUDGEON.

Well, this be Ol’ Wanda Lust Ex-Crack Ho’.  I be tryin’ my hand at writin’.  Don’t know whether it’s good or shit feathers.  Well I be reportin’ on Auntie Carol and Lady Lynda and their meeting wid Erasmus Nutley, Curmudgeon, which mean grouchy ol’ man.  Ya see that got friends with children and the Girl Scouts havin’ a cookie drive.  Lady Lynda got a real soft heart and Auntie Carol aint got no heart, or so it seem.  Anyhoo,  Lady Lynda get stuck wid two hundred boxes of cookie to sell.  Damn!

 

The last house on their block was Erasmus Nutley’s mansion.  He open the door like he was expectin’  the Gestapo.  He say, “What do you want with me. I’m a very busy man.  If you’re Jehovah’s witnesses, I’m a devil worshipper!”  They notice how the thick wood door creak when  he open it like the sound of a crypt being opened. He a real curmudgeon.  This be code for “grouchy ol’ man”.  Then he say, “I have no interest in Girl Scouts.  They all grow up to become vixens!”

 Lady Lynda say she savin’ young girls from sin and degradation and that the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world,  And Auntie Carol chime in sayin’ that youth be the future of America.

 

He laugh in their faces.”The world is doomed to repeat the mistakes of the past, you goody, two shoes woman.  Be gone. I have no use for charity.”

Lady Lynda with her foot in the door, brought on the big guns.  Meanin’ she left him have a coupla’ mint cookies.

 

This cookie is divine.  I’ll buy some.  As for the Girl Scouts, they.ve never done a damn thing for me and I don’t care if they ever do.” Said Erasmus. “Come in why don’t you.”

 

The house look like the Addams Family house wid gargoyls and other monstahs spread throughout the room.  He done got all the windows shut and curtains drawn with black velvet curtains.  It smell like a mortuary. He ’fraid someone see in they gone rob him.  They sits down on the antique green velvet sofa, and they notices the legs on his furniture are all claws, and the antique clock go coo coo on the hour complete wid’ this ratty little canary bird. He go off to git’ them some refreshments which turns out to be one tea bag to be shared and one oreo for each of ‘em.  He ‘splain that tea is going up twenty cents why he give only one bag. They looks around and see he got a bear head and a lion head stuffed and on the wall.

 

“People are wasteful and vainglorious, “ he say in his deep voice like Moses on the Mount. I best tell ya that he look like a blue heron wid his nose all beaky and little beetle eyes.  His mouth is on straight line with no fullness ‘bout it like some first grader done sketch it in  He got a hump on his back and lean into a cane, when he walk.  He walk like a robovac, like he got lil’ wheels on the bottom of his feet. Worst of all he have long yellow nails on his hands like talons and none too clean.  He wearin’ old timey pipe stem pants with a dingy tux shirt and a string bowtie.  I surmise he aint git out much.  Then something weird happen, he ast them would they like to try some absinthe.  Auntie Carol never turn down a drop of liquor her whole life and Lady Lynda go along for the ride.  They be charmin’ ladies and funny as all shit and pretty soon he be laughin’ like a hyena or was it cacklin’.

 

He ended up buyin’ ten boxes of cookies, short bread and chocolate mint, and he ast could he cook them dinner sometimes and they says sure and why not.  They bid him adieu each givin’ him a peck on the cheek.

 

Auntie Carol ast Lady Lynda what she thought he’d cook for them. She replied, “Black bird pie and eye of newt pudding.”  And busted out laughin’.

 Gal, I am through.  Peace Out!

 

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Sutrad Directory

Web Directory

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

BOTID

Botid.org Internet Directory Listing

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Bloghints

Blog Directory | Submit to Directories and Promote your Blogs

Posted in Uncategorized | Comments Off

IBLBuilder

iblbuilder

Posted in Uncategorized | Comments Off

Ellys Directory

Submit your Site to the http://www.ellysdirectory.com/Computers___Internet/ on http://www.ellysdirectory.com.

Posted in Uncategorized | Comments Off

Directory World

Directory World

Posted in Uncategorized | Comments Off

Lady Lynda Reads a Very Special Letter.

Lady Lynda reads a special letter.
Posted on 06/14/2014 by Carol Bond
Lady Lynda wore her baby blue flannel ankle length night gown. She sat on the carnation pink upholstered chair. She went through her mail. The woman casually tossed out the junk mail. She noticed mail from her dear male friend. Daniel Delbert Walker She immediately opened it. Her breathing grew greatly intense as she tried to imagine what he wrote

She breathed a sigh of relief. Seymour Toze’s wife smiled ear to ear as she read the letter. She felt overjoyed. She discovered Daniel met a female friend.She grinned as she thought of his happiness. From a man who nobody could understand to finding the love of his life. Lady Lady beamed with pride. It was because of her diction lessons she proudly thought. Her patience and skill paid off. First working for the airport and now finding true love. His good luck was overflowing. He definitely reaped the rewards.

Lady Lynda Toze read how Daniel Delbert Walker felt as if he was walking on air. How he now cherished each moment he was with his new lady friend. Wanda Sue Twain. He reported in the letter she first told her her first name was Desiree and Wanda was her middle. He explained how she was worried he’d think Wanda Sue Twain was too country. “Heck darlin” he wrote telling her “I adore country gals.” Lady Lynda beamed with pride knowing he could never get a lady friend if it was not for her elocution lessons. He’d still be working at “The World’s Cheapest Freak Show”. He was there because nobody could understand his ultra thick Texas accent. Daniel didn’t talk like most Texans. His Lone Star state drawl was as thick as a good size bunch of Texas sagebush.

Lady Lynda happily read Dan D. Walker’s words. “I finally found the woman who is the love of my life. Makes me feel as happy as a li’l boy with a hound dog She as sweet and cuddly as any hound dog, cuss it all to tarnation. She’s lovin’ and then some. If you knows what I mean, as any damn fool can see. I love how she puts her arms around me. If we got any closer we’d merge into one. Ooh a sweet kiss from her lips sho’ nuff makes my day. Heck most everything about her from head to her toes, and everything in between. Especially the sex part sure makes my day. “

Lady Lynda smiled and was well pleased and proud of herself and Dan. D.

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Free Viral Web Site Traffic

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments

THINGS NOT TO DO

This is Auntie Carol and I am vexed about the moral turpitude of our young ladies and young men. I may just fling myself into a chasm, Lordie, me. Our young people are fornicating, drinking, drugging and sometimes not even with the opposite sex. It’s just shameful and not even with the benefit of holy matrimony. It’s astounding. I looked up a hooker friend of Wanda Lusts, one Josette Bon Chance and she complied this list for me. I shudder at its wording: forgive the vulgarity and bite the bullet, My Dears.

THINGS NOT TO DO BY AUNTIE CAROL
1) Tell Your BF at her bridal shower what a good pussy eater her intended was.
2) Admit you had your mother exhumed and her skeleton sits in a chair in the living room. You get lonely.
3) Tell someone your blood stream is 90% alcohol. You’re a social drinker.
4) Tell someone you like to eat bugs. Renfield is your role model.
5) Tell someone you collect human body parts and eats lots of cereal.
6) If you’re a man tell the mothers in the park how sexy their little nine year old girls are.
7) Tell GF you think her father is a “sex machine.”
8) Tell GF youR other half, Siamese twin is a serial killer and you’re okay with it.
9) Go to the porn magazine section and yell out, “Yo, fellas in here, anyone want to get married”.
10) When you find the Groom tongue kissing the gay priest, Demand a threesome.
THINGS NOT TO DO BY AUNTIE CAROL
1) Tell Your BF at her bridal shower what a good pussy eater her intended was.
2) Admit you had your mother exhumed and her skeleton sits in a chair in the living room. You get lonely.
3) Tell someone your blood stream is 90% alcohol. You’re a social drinker.
4) Tell someone you like to eat bugs. Renfield is your role model.
5) Tell someone you collect human body parts and eats lots of cereal.
6) If you’re a man tell the mothers in the park how sexy their little nine year old girls are.
7) Tell GF you think her father is a “sex machine.”
8) Tell GF your other half, Siamese twin is a serial killer and you’re okay with it.
9) Go to the porn magazine section and yell out, “Yo, fellas in here, anyone want to get married”.
10) When you find the Groom tongue kissing the gay priest, Demand a threesome.

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment